Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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