She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
