She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I didn't notice because vodka
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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