Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
