I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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