I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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