we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
