8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
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No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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