my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
