u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize