Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
