Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
