I can tuck mytits in my pants
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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