Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
