I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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