U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
