Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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