My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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