we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
