I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
