I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
