Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
