it was like his penis was on wheels.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
