If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
