i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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