Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
