Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
