All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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