i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
