i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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