Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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