Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
