hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
