shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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