So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
