I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
