Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
