Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
