i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
