how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
