I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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