So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
