Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
