My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
