Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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