If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
