I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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