I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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