oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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