did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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