just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
