ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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