She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
