I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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