If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
