Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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