I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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