There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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