idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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