i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
