I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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