my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
