Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
